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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Drew Harris' LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, March 10th, 2009
11:49 am
Parents: leading cause of Insanity
Ok… I need advice on how to currently deal with my father… And I’m not sure of my therapist right now.
Basically my therapist and I have both told my father conflicting availabilities… I’ve mentioned that I work 3-11pm and can’t do afternoons. My Dad ‘got’ this… what my father seemed to have missed is my therapist can NOT do mornings. So my Dad keeps trying to suggest mornings.
I spoke about this with my therapist this past Saturday- because quite frankly I wouldn’t mind if my therapist reminded my Dad about this… I didn’t tell my therapist that- merely that I was getting tired of my Dad suggesting a day here or there that was good for MY DAD… and my therapist not responding to these requests. My therapist is annoyed that my Dad doesn’t realize that my therapist can’t do mornings… and I feel a bit caught in the middle--- which is NOT a place I want to be.
I suggested, half hearted, that I give my Dad a clue… but to be frank, I’ve been dealing with work and at this point would rather NOT deal with my father..

SO right now I’ve told my father that March wasn’t good for me and we’d talk about April LATER. And I’m left wondering at what point I just clue my Dad in and say ‘SATURDAYS, DAD! Suggest a F***ing Saturday.
As far as my mom goes… Oy! I want to see her and my nephews for Passover and have asked for Wednesday, first night of Passover AND Tuesday off. My mom has matinee tickets to a play of some sort (forget) on Wednesday- so I was trying to plan my trip around that. Well, I talked to my mom this AM. My brain wasn’t fully functional but I wanted to let her know I asked for Tuesday and Wednesday off- and told work that I could work Palm and Easter Sundays if they needed.
My mom then informed me that she would NOT have my nephews over at HER apartment for Passover… They’re too loud and her apartment is TOO SMALL for them. AND since we’re going to a play- she doesn’t want to drive to my step-sister’s house in upstate New York.
So, I’m going to a play that I could care less about… and might NOT get to see my nephews. Bummer. Even though my mind wasn’t fully up… (and I told my mom this) I told my mom that IF I got Tuesday off- I’d travel to my sister’s place on Tuesday and then come in to NYC with her husband on Wednesday… as that would still put me in the city earlier then if I just had Wednesday off- and then I’d be able to spend SOME time with my nephews.
However that said this will be the first time at my new job that I’ve asked for time off- and since it’s NOT retail… not sure how it works there or IF I’ll get the days off (though I did tell them I need the days off for PASSOVER- so they’d know it was for religious reasons)

Current Mood: aggravated
Tuesday, March 3rd, 2009
9:21 am
Historic Books
Book 2- Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin – Ok this book came HIGHLY recommended… And it was a nice BIG book which I thought was good for work. I thought it was very well written. (And yes- it MIGHT be considered amusing that I finished it on President’s Day).
To me, the most interesting NEW fact that I learnt was the fact that Booth tried to have a couple of co-conspirators kill the Secretary of State- Steward and Vice President Johnson the same night he killed Lincoln…. Of course since I didn’t know that- the other two weren’t successful- but it was interesting to find out how large a vision Booth had.

Book 3- Devil in the White City by Eric Larson. This was a historical book about Daniel H. Burnham- the Director of works for the 1893 Chicago World’s fair AND H.H. Holmes( born Herman Webster Mudgett) the first American serial killer…who ‘worked’ in Chicago during the 1890’s.
I want to start by saying like Team of Rivals, I found Devil in the White City both interesting AND informative. I was amazed at the details of HH Holmes- especially as his ‘body count’ was MUCH higher then Jack the Ripper, yet more is made of Jack. I assume this is because a- Jack seemed to be more flamboyant… and b) the whole mystery angle of ‘who was Jack?’ whereas we know whom HH Holmes was, and the question is merely how many people did he actually kill.
That said- as interesting as HH Holmes, was reading about the 1893 World’s Fair… like learning that the Ferris Wheel, was invented by a Mr. Ferris, debuted at the 1893 World’s fair. I also was amused that Fredrick Olmsted was mentioned- as I know him as the ‘creator’ of Central Park in New York City and the Emerald Necklace in Boston… as well as helping design the White City aka- the Chicago 1893 World’s Fair.

Book 4- The Man from the Diogenes Club by Kim Newman. I say this was an Austin Powers meets John Constantine. Kim Newman mentions in the afterword that he introduced Richard Jeperson( the ‘man’ from the Diogenes Club) for an anthology called Dark Detectives: Adventures of the Supernatural Sleuths as a 70’s supernatural spy… Newman had created Richard Jeperson and his ‘Mrs. Steed’ Vanessa many years ago… but they hadn’t seen print YET.
The book is a collection of short stories (none of which I had read before) about Richard Jeperson- ranging from the truly bizarre of a James Bond type villain who wants to ‘remake the world’ to the macabre with a haunted killer train. I really liked this book and would recommend it.

Gods Behaving Badly by Marie Phillips. Not much to say about this book. I borrowed it from the library, because it LOOKED amusing, but not amusing enough to buy. I’m glad I didn’t buy it as it was a quick read( about a day) and not all that amusing. It was about the Greek Gods, who live in a flat altogether in London. I think the two things that I found the most annoying is the set up that they were the ONLY Gods around (we didn’t hear about any other pantheons) AND that Eros is a Christian. It just bothered me Eros going around wishing he had meet Jesus… and him trying to talk a couple of the other gods to be good Christians.
Sunday, February 15th, 2009
7:03 pm
New Book Review
Been Ages since I did my book reports… *but* wasn’t that great a reader in ’08… I blame facebook, job search, and some other stuff… I might have missed a book or 2 in 08 but want to post this today along with the book I read in 09. I figure with my new job( averaging about 100 pages a day) I’ll get back to the 40 odd books I read in 07.
And as usual- I promise to blog more ;-) This is especially true as I didn’t review some of these books RIGHT AFTER I read them, I just wrote down the names (hence might be missing a book or 2 and the ‘reviews’ might suck a bit)

Book 12- Don Quixote by Cervantes. Ok- first it took me a LONG time to read this book- not just because I paused to read some library books. It was a thousand pages, and dense. It was VERY different from the Musical- the biggest difference is that Don Quixote never actually gets face time with Aldonza / Dulcinea. I also was surprised that there were a lot of stories that Don Quixote ‘heard’ but wasn’t a part of…. Which was another problem I had in getting ‘into’ this book… the fact that Don Quixote kept hearing OTHER people’s stories and their romantic woes.
I liked it- I’m glad I read it… but I don’t think I’ll be reading it again… Meanwhile I have to find MY copy of Man of LaMancha to watch again.
Oh and of course, after finishing Don Quixote I started reading and finishing books left and right to ‘catch up’ to where I SHOOD be.

Book 13- Soon I will be Invincible by Austin Grossman. I thought this was an interesting book. It was told from two different points of views- alternating chapters between the SUPER VILLAIN of the story, and a noob super heroine who joins the TOP superhero team… to take down the previously mentioned Super Villain.
I found it interesting in how the Super Villain just wanted to be ‘TAKEN SERIOUSLY’ and is peeved that his ‘arch nemesis’ doesn’t

Book 14- The Android’s Dream by John Scalzi
This was given to me by a friend who’s fond of a) detective novels and b) Blade Runner. The title is of course rifting on the title of the book Blade Runner is based on. It was ok… I mean it was based on a simple joke- so it was a nice fluff book.

Book 15- The Blue-Haired Bombshell by John Zakour. This is the latest in a series that includes such books as The Plutonium Blonde, The Doomsday Brunette, The Radioactive Redhead and The Frost-Haired Vixen. What sort of bothered me about this book- is even though it’s part of a ‘series’… for all the other books, you didn’t have to read the PREVIOUS book(s) to understand what was going on… Whereas this book relied heavily on ‘what had gone before’…. And since I hadn’t read the previous books in YEARS, I felt a little lost- and I blame the author for that.
That said- I did enjoy the book. It was a nice science fiction hard boiled detective novel.

Book 16- The Automatic Detective by A. Lee Martinez. Ok this was a GREAT book. It merges the pulp detective novel with the pulp science fiction. Our hero is a robot, a big clunky thing that describes a 50’s world with 50’s science fiction stuff… One of the things that amused me greatly was when he saw his ‘therapist’ and they had a COMPUTER in their home.

Book 17- The Great Derangement- Matt Taibbi. This was an interesting book… talking about the far left and far right wings of the United States… NOT about the ‘leaders’ so much as the followers. I think he spent more time on the Mega Church goers then the 9/11 conspiracy nuts….But really he gets to the idea, that in this day and age- people are NOT looking to the government for answers. He also points out that no matter WHAT you believe in, you’ll be able to find a group that agrees with you on the internets.

Book 18-Nightlife by Rob Thurman. This was given to me by a friend. I’m sort of on the fence about it( and wish that I had written a review of it AFTER I read it). It’s about a teenager who’s ½ human, ½ Grendel… Grendal being what our main character and his half brother (who’s ALL human) call the monsters from another world. The biggest problem I had was I felt that the ending didn’t resolve what I considered a MAJOR plot thread. Won’t say what it was, as I don’t want to spoil it… but did feel I had to point it out to the friend who gave it to me.

19-The Science Fiction Hall of Fame- Volume II A- This was a really good selection of old/classic Science Fiction short stories. It included Who Goes there( which movie The Thing was based on), The Time Machine- which I felt was worth a re-read, The Folded Hands which I thought was an interesting flip side of the idea of machines ‘helping’ humanity, and the Marching Morons which I thought was a great classic novella that I had NEVER read before.

Book 1- Awesome Comic Fantasy by Various. I read this my first week of work. I found it a sub par collection of short stories. I brought to work because a) I found it on my shelf and b) I figured better to start my job with a collection of short stories that I could put down as needed then a real novel. Put Back that Universe by F Gwynplaine MacIntyre was one of the few stories that I actually enjoyed and might look to see what else the author wrote. And considering there was a story by John Cleese- that’s saying a mouthful. The other story I want to mention was by Cherith Baldry… The story was ok BUT her bio says she’s a librarian and former teacher AND she has written stories about King Arthur… so hoping Adj. can say if Cherith’s books are worth checking out.

Oh and due to the job- have put about 4 books 'on hold' for myself at the BPL. They don't have the books IN- but when they do, I'm on the list.
Saturday, February 7th, 2009
8:05 pm
New Jorb
Ok. I’ve been working there for about a week and I figured it was about time to give a bit of info about it.
Job Title: Security Officer
Location: Downtown Boston. I take the train to and fro work. It’s a nice short commute.
Hours: 3pm to 11pm
Co-Workers: I have 2 regular co-workers; J. whom I relieve at 3pm; and D. who relieves me at 11pm. (more about them a bit later)
Duties: I walk the line… Um. I sit/stand at a security desk for a few hours. The cleaners come, I give them their keys. When they’re done cleaning, I count the keys to make sure they haven’t stolen any. I do a round (or two- wanna be a little vague here.) of the building. I do the round to make sure that there’s nothing burning or leaking or otherwise out of place.
Actual Job: most of my time is me at the security desk doing NOTHING! And hoping to do nothing- which is to say I’m there IN CASE of an emergency- but the company is being preventive… hence the rounds.
So a good chunk of my ‘job’ is sitting/standing at the front of the lobby. I finished a book this week--- first I think of the year—and I think I’ll get a good amount read.

My feelings: Ok, I wish there was a bit more human interaction BUT that said- I prefer this job already to my last full time job at the gift store. I don’t have to deal with LOUD whiny kids. I don’t have to push any products to try and ‘justify’ my salary. I’m allowed to read (so long as it is after hours n’ stuff).
I like the 7am-3pm guy. I think he wants to be my ‘mentor’ or otherwise ‘help’ me. Which is ok, I guess. I prefer him to the 11pm to 7am person. Let’s just say that I can NOT give her the keys, I have to place them on the desk… as well the keys/me are unclean.

I think the job is pretty straight forward. Actually the oddest thing is having not only A weekend- but THE weekend off- I have Saturday and Sunday off… which also means that Wednesday is indeed hump day. After working most my life in retail it’s an odd feeling.
Though then again the flip side is that I work 3pm-11pm- so I go to bed shortly after coming home from work… and will have to figure out what to do with my day BEFORE work( besides skype, facebook and netflix).
Any Questions?

Current Mood: blah
Friday, January 30th, 2009
12:19 pm
looking for work in all the wrong places
So my second day of training at the new job went better- BUT.

I think as I tried to go to sleep yesterday- and it was darn hard to go to sleep (and I woke up WAY too early today), I realized my problem(s)
My main problem- and the one I wanted to blog about is I figured last night- very unscientifically- that out of the 5+ billion people on Earth- there are maybe 1 billion people who have a crappy job for crappy money. Heck 2/3rds most likely have a crappier job then my new one.
Then I figure there’s got to be like a million people who have a job they like and look forward to. Again this is total shot in the dark. But I figure that for every person who likes their job- there’s like a thousand who don’t.
And call me a selfish self centered egoist… BUT I want to BE one of those million people who have a job he likes. I don’t HAVE to be someone who has a GOOD job AND a GOOD paycheck to go with it… ( though that would be ideal), just something that makes me not wake up and go ‘ugh!”

Or to put it another way- it’s sorta hard for me to care that much about life right now if I have a sucky job that doesn’t pay well.

And my last wallowing- is the fact that I spent an hour or two checking about health insurance. See my new job provides health insurance BUT it’s going to go from costing nothing to see my therapist (because I is dirt poor) to $35 a session. I wanted to keep Commonwealth Cares( the state insurance) but have confirmed that if my employer PROVIDES health insurance- I have to take it.

Ok- more perhaps later… just felt I wanted to share… so you all can call me on my wallowing.

Current Mood: grumpy
Wednesday, January 28th, 2009
3:03 pm
Before I talk about my new job…
The usual caveat- I’m not going to name the company I’m working for, or the site that I’m working at.
The reasoning for this is a) have found that employers are in the habit these days of googling prospective employees. And while I doubt this blog can be found… the less ammo I give, the better and b) I did sign a document saying I would NOT bad mouth the company… and so want to cover my butt.

Now that said- I felt the day started out in the hole. I was only hired last week and already I have a ‘history’ with them… that put me in a bad frame of mind when I showed up for work. Last Friday (1/23), I was called as Supervisor P wanted to set up training with me. I told him that I would NOT be able to show up for training as I had to work at the game store. P got angry- pointing that I was starting work on Monday (1/26) so when did I EXPECT to do training. I retorted that I had given the game store TWO WEEKS NOTICE, so I would not start until Monday Feb. 2nd. P then asked me WHOM had I told that I was starting Feb. 2nd? as he seemed convinced that I was starting on the 26th. I told him I told this to the woman who offered me the job (office assistant?) when I was hired. P did NOT take my word for it- but put me on hold and confirmed my story…
I then called P THIS Monday (1/26) to fix a schedule for me to train. P wanted me to come in for an Afternoon training- and I told him the only day I’d be able to do that was yesterday- as that was my day off from the game store- all other nights, I’d have to be at the game store by 6pm. So we agreed Tuesday at 1pm at the company’s office- as I still did NOT know where I would be actually working.

So I’m de-thawing lunch, and am on FB (of course) at 10:45 when I get a call from the security company… A guy there asks me why I’m not at the office as I’m SUPPOSE to be there at 10:30. I tell this person that I was scheduled for 1pm to 4pm. This person, who’s name I forget… then tells me he has to talk to P., I guess to ‘confirm’ my story as P. did. Once my story is confirmed, I’m told to show up at 1pm.
SO- I’m having a melt down. Pure and Simple. I called my step sister because I figured she’d be around and she’d be able to talk me down/have words of wisdom… Ok, will admit I called my therapist first- who wasn’t around… BUT since I had a limited amount of time to ‘cool down’ and figure things out- my sister was as good a resource as any.
She did indeed give me good advice… which included getting P’s email address, which I didn’t realize I had on his card… and making SURE that I didn’t blame anyone for the ‘mix up’
So when I finally see P, I get there before he does, I ask him for his email so this type of mix up doesn’t happen again. As my sister suggested I don’t point fingers, or get angry, I just try to present it as- I’d like your email so I can double check things with you in the future. P sorta admits that it was HIS fault…. And we basically go from there.
I was shown the building I’m going to be guarding… because it’s a) it’s a business and b) I’m the 3pm-11pm shift… I’ll be more of a security guard then a concierge that I thought I might be.
Sadly while I was being given the ‘grand tour’… while I’m trying to keep track of everything… well I was sorta in a bad frame of mind… just being depressed because of the TYPE of job I had.

Anyhoo- things worked out ok… P didn’t blame me for the two mix ups. I still have the job… I have to stay on site for dinner BUT I will be ‘allowed’ to read during the ‘non peak’ hours( 7-11… excluding the two patrols I have to make).
I have a full time job, which in this economy means something…

So yesterday, while I don’t think was too bad from their pov- wasn’t the greatest in mind- BUT I think I just need to get in the right frame of mind and stop wallowing. I also need to stop worrying too much about things- like my sleep schedule… ( afraid that I’m going to wake up at 7am and then have to be up until midnight) and the gym( also not sure I can hit the gym AND then work 8 hours).

Current Mood: anxious
Tuesday, January 27th, 2009
9:09 pm
I watch too much TV meme
1. Bold the shows you watch/used to watch regularly.
2. Italicize the shows you've seen at least one episode of.
3. Asterisk the shows you own on DVD (at least one season).
4. Post your answers.

50. Quantum Leap
49. Prison Break
48. Veronica Mars
47. Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
46. Sex & The City
45. *Farscape*
44. Cracker
43. Star Trek (TOS)
42. Only Fools and Horses
41. Band of Brothers
40. *Life on Mars*
39. *Monty Python*
38. Curb Your Enthusiasm
37. Star Trek: The Next Generation
36. Father Ted
35. Alias
34. Frasier

33. CSI Las Vegas
32. *Babylon 5*
31. *Deadwood*
30. *Dexter*
29. ER
28. Fawlty Towers
27. Six Feet Under
26. *Red Dwarf*
25. *Futurama*
24. Twin Peaks
23. The Office
22. The Shield
21. *Angel*
20. *Blackadder*
19. *Scrubs*
18. Arrested Development
17. *South Park*
16. *Dr Who*
15. Heroes
14. *Firefly*
13. Battlestar Galactica
12. Family Guy
11. Seinfeld
10. *Spaced*
09. The X-Files
08. The Wire
07. Friends
06. 24
05. Lost
04. The West Wing
03. The Sopranos
02. *Buffy the Vampire Slayer*
01. The Simpsons
8:57 am
New Job
Ok I started this morning by wanting to write SOMETHING here… and talk about my anxiety about my new job. The fact that I don’t really want it… That the game store is getting to be a MAJOR pain, because it’s hard working for a good friend as your manager (especially when you’re better organized then him) And of course, that I woke up too early this morning- with an upset stomach.

Well after thinking about it- I suck at job searches, it is way too easy for me to get distracted (I’m talking about you- Facebook) and disappointed about either how OVER or UNDER qualified for a job I am.

Yes, I don’t feel a 100% today, yes because of the new job I have 2 six ‘day work weeks… AND not happy that I’ll have to pay more for medical insurance because I’ll HAVE more $ coming in.
This is a new job. It’s outside of retail- which is perhaps a step in the right direction. It’s a 40 hour a week job AND I was promised that I’d be getting weekends off… which is something nice. AND in this economy- getting a better paying full time job is a good thing.

So I’m going to get some Tums, hope they settle my stomach and TRY to get in a good head space before I have to show up for training at 1pm.

Current Mood: anxious
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
9:04 pm
new job & my mom
Ok- so I was offered a new job today. I took it because it’s full time… So I get more hours/more money AND benefits.

I was a bit hesitant about taking it because I heard my mom’s voice in the back of my head. See when I told her this weekend, I was going on a second meeting with this company… She reminded me of how my last ‘job’ worked out- How I was not even able to stay there a week because it was SO TOXIC to me… and how it spun me into a tailspin of depression. I did NOT need her reminding me of this.
So when they called me and offered me the job, I was a bit more non committal then I felt I should be. I put off telling them EXACTLY when I would start, saying that I needed to talk to my current manager to talk about giving my notification.
I talked to my current manager- who is also one of my best friends. He was glad for me and told me in no uncertain terms if things didn’t work out- I could have my job back.
So with the idea that I could get hours from the game store if I need them- because again the manager is a GOOD friend… I called the new company and accepted the job.

I then spoke to my mom- letting her know that I didn’t need/want the money for the Ca. trip now, as I would have to put the trip off. She sounded a bit nervous- AGAIN bringing up the other job, and how bad it was for me. I pointed out to her, as I did above, that I had a back up plan… and that should things not work out- I can still get hours from the game store…

I just found it odd in a bad way that I had to hold my mom’s hand through this, when I think it should’ve been the reverse. Instead of making sure SHE was o.k. I would’ve liked it if she gave ME a pep speech about how this will be different.

*sigh* I’m just saying…

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, January 7th, 2009
3:11 pm
Fridging- aka destroying ANOTHER Female Avenger
Ok- so at this point in time, I do NOT actually read comics… I go to a website to keep up with what’s happening in comics because I have a morbid curiosity.
The reason I feel a need, again, to vent about the comic book industry is what Dan Slott is doing on the Avengers. I want to mention that I loved his She Hulk… I thought Jen was Smart, Sassy and INTERESTING…Though that said- his explanation of Jen sleeping with Juggernaut was Continuity Porn.
I read this weekend a couple of pages of his Avengers (forgot if they were Mighty or New)- and he totally fridged Tigra… not that Tigra needed any MORE help being destroyed.

Tigra was created in the 70’s to appeal to ‘female audiences’… A lot of minority heroes were created in the 70’s to ‘balance’ comics. I was introduced to her in the 80’s when she joined the Avengers and was- at that point the only female member of the team. Like many of the female Avengers- she didn’t have as much name recognition as the guys (Right now I think Spider-Girl has had the longest running comic for a Marvel female) but she had guts and wanted to prove herself to the ‘big boys’… And was able to ‘defeat’ the Molecule Man by talking him down- AND not beating him up.
Because Byrne didn’t like Tigra- when he took over the West Coast Avengers, he ended up having Tigra go ‘into heat’ and turning her into a housecat for part of his run.

So like most female characters- she was marginalized and sexualized as the writers needed.
She also had an on again, off again relationship with Hank Pym… aka the wife beater.

So Tigra of course found out that she’s PREGNANT… because really what can writers do to female characters save for a) making them objects of desire, b) raping them and/or c) making them pregnant.
I say and/or because Tigra was knocked up NOT by Hank Pym BUT by a skrull pretending to be Pym- which is rape in my book.
Ah but it gets better… Because Tigra is a cat like critter, Slott made sure the reader understood that Tigra MIGHT have a litter of Skrull babies/kittens.

So after reading the scene- where the artist shows us Tigra’s nightmare of giving birth to a litter of skrull kittens… Somebody posts it to a livejournal… and the fans, correctly imho, call this a fridge story.
Slott comes onto the forums and defends it as “drama”… which I call B.S. on because how come we’ve never read a story where Tony gets sued for child support??! I mean if Tigra getting knocked up is drama, then wouldn’t Tony knocking a girl up after a drunken bender be EQUALLY dramatic.
The other reason I hate this story- is because a) I don’t see Marvel allowing Tigra to actually have an abortion( miscarriages in comics are ok- abortions, not so much) and b) no matter HOW GOOD Slott writes the pregnancy… eventually a crap writer is going to get ahold of Avengers… and we’ll then have to read cringe worthy stories of Tigra and her kittens…

Current Mood: aggravated
Tuesday, December 30th, 2008
4:36 pm
Still a putz
Ok… So to continue the thread of setting up a meeting with my Dad- I basically mailed my Dad a letter written by my therapist. I noticed that my therapist did NOT suggest specific days… as he wanted to leave it open to my Dad. So on the 24th, my Dad emailed me
“I think you see him on Wednesdays and the first Wednesday I'm free is Jan 21. I'm also available on 1/28 and 2/4. It gets harder after that because I'll be doing some traveling so it would be good to make one of those days work if possible.”

I should mention that he called my therapist by the wrong name--- and while I do NOT meet my therapist on the EXACT day every week- I didn’t feel the need to clear this up with my dad.

After talking to my therapist today I emailed my Dad that the 28th at 4pm seemed to be good for my therapist…. And while I did NOT confront him with the fact that he called my therapist by the wrong last name- I did make sure that I mentioned my therapist’s last name when saying he (my therapist) wanted the 28th at 4pm.
My Dad responded today said
“I've just had some work things come up that make meeting in January difficult. So let's shoot for February or March or later in the year.”

He goes on to say:
I'd like to talk to Dr. {wrong last name again} before we meet so I feel a bit prepared. Please give him my e mail address so he can contact me before we meet.”


This letter angered me on several of the usual levels:
1)Considering I told my Dad I was sorta tired of him ‘fitting me in when he wasn’t busy with Ro…” I find this annoying that we started with HIS SCHEDULE- which he then changed in less then a week without telling me.
2)He doesn’t seem to take the trouble to ACTUALLY read my notes… as I use the correct last name of my therapist and he does NOT.
3)He once again is trying to make an end run and get access to my therapist without MY consent. Notice he does NOT ask ME whether it would be ok with ME if he talked to my therapist… He simply states ‘his’ logic and expects me to follow through.

I really feel that my Dad is just showing me what an IDIOT he is… and helping to reinforce the idea that I want to stay away from him… especially as I want to start THINKING of visiting my nieces (and clan Peterson) sometime in Feb/March.

Current Mood: aggravated
Friday, December 19th, 2008
11:53 am
Ok- since I wrote about my letter to my Dad (no X-Mas for YOU) I feel I owe it to write about the responses I got

Step Sister- Though I ‘drunkly’ left messages for my two brothers on Saturday night… I talked to her first on Sunday AM- as my brothers live in Ca. She was VERY supportive. I told her straight away a) Not to tell my mom--- as I didn’t want her to find out until I was ready to deal with my mom. B) could I still show up on X-mas day at HER house and just skip my Dad’s… I asked this because I knew she’d have her mom’s side of the family there( and I thought her in-laws)… and I didn’t want to mess with THEIR time with my step sister and her sons… but I did want to see my nephews for X-mas.
She understood that my Dad is a putz, wants to see me for the holiday AND is totally fine with me bringing my menorah to light with the boyz( as she’s like ½ Jewish- her kids ¼)

½ Brother- Normally I try to call him my “younger” brother BUT I feel that I need to call him my half for this post.
See we ended up having words. I will admit that I was bad- I basically drunk called him on Saturday night to complain about Dad. Bro didn’t answer, I left a message and THEN I disconnected my phone- because I really didn’t want to talk--- I just wanted to go to bed. In hindsight it was stupid to call him and leave a message telling him I wouldn’t be there for X-mas and then NOT responding to him calling me back about 10 min. later.
That said- a) His complaining that I was making it HARDER for him to see me… just filled me with meh. Basically I boiled it down to- he was arguing that I should deal with my Dad and my Dad’s wife… because it would make easier for HIM to see ME. And I was like… um, no.
b) And this is why I say- he’s my HALF brother… He had the nerve to tell me that NOBODY loves me as much as our Dad. WTF?
I called BS! on him. Letting him know that he did NOT know my mom or really half of my family… so how could he say that? The best he could say is my Dad loves me more then HE does.
We got into a bit of a heated exchange on Sunday- but I did talk to him later in the week( he called me) and we SEEM to be ok. Not sure when I’m going to see him next BUT he at least is sorta PRETENDING to understand- even if he doesn.t

My Older Brother- He got it right away. He was pretty supportive. He did ask me for the note I sent to my Dad… and the letter I got from my Dad’s wife in response to it… but I told him I’d prefer not to share that.
I also found out from my older brother that my father’s wife had a 70th birthday party for Dad- and did NOT invite ANY of us kids- i.e. Me, my older brother or my ½ brother… never mind the fact that a) my older brother asked her MONTHS ago if she wanted to do something special for the 70th b’day and b) my ½ brother was actually here on the East Coast for our Dad’s 70th.

My mom- Ok, this was a bit awkward. I meant to call her on Tuesday AFTER I spoke to my therapist- maybe that was using him as a crutch- but I really was NOT looking forward to talking to her about this. My step sister called me on Monday and told me she had heard from my Mom that MOM knew about this- and was only concerned with whether she (Mom) was still going to see me the day after X-mas.
The way things have worked for the past few years( even if my Dad doesn’t remember) IS- I go to my dad’s X-mas day, via Amtrak, hang out with Dad + Dad’s side of the family AND THEN Dad drives me to my step sister’s place where I spend the night… and then see my mom the next day as she gets some post X-mas time with the family.
My mom however called me BEFORE I went to my therapist… and I think it was awkward because we both wanted the other to go first. She went first and said basically that she was saddened by this BUT she understood and wouldn’t pressure me.
I also thought it was amusing because SHE thought that my problem with my Dad was NOT being invited to his 70th… She had NOT heard about what happened Saturday… and yeah I told her. She was suitably peeved… but then again my Mom holds grudges and so often likes griping about my Dad/his OTHER wives.
So my Mom was supportive- but making sure SHE gets time with me. I thought it was a tad amusing that she even tried to bribe me to see her on X-mas, by saying that if I was with her on X-mas… she’d make me latkas… which she often kvetches about how annoying they are to make.

My dad and his current wife sent me email responses. I should mention that I did NOT send a copy of my letter to him to her…
I brought all 3 letters to my therapist because I figured it would be better for him if rather then if I said- “my Dad’s letter said x” if the therapist could read ACTUALLY what was said. I also felt this was ok- because if my Dad could share MY letter with his wife- then I could share THEIR letters with my therapist.
My therapist said that my letter was a big F YOU! to my Dad… I didn’t realize how angry my letter was to him… but understand how it ended up that way as I was a bit drunk, tired and pretty angry.
He felt that my Dad’s wife’s letter was a big F YOU TOO!
And finally my Dad’s letter- while being a tad manipulative- my therapist pointed out that my Dad WAS WILLING to meet with the therapist.
Which my therapist wants.

I should also mention that when I mentioned the fact that Dad seems willing to meet with my therapist- both my brothers thought I should take him up on it… as they both hope for reconciliation between the two of us. To be honest, I’m putting off writing my Dad about taking him up on his offer.
I’m putting it off for two reasons- the first is to make sure of my motives…. As when I first thought about my Dad meeting my therapist; I really thought of this meeting as a) to prove to my therapist what a putz my Dad is… AND b) instead of reconciliation- maybe to have this meeting for ‘closure’… which I think is not the best way to go into this sort of thing.
The second reason to put this off--- is because I sort of want the therapist to read the note I send my Dad- IF I were to send him one.
I say I want him to proofread the note- partly to put off sending such a note to my Dad… and partly because I feel that my Dad’s wife will read it and tear it apart… so I want to make sure I write what I mean.

That’s it for now… spent a good amount of time writing this but thought it was important. If I tell you guys news- I should follow it up and keep you informed.

Current Mood: blah
Saturday, December 13th, 2008
10:50 pm
Cancelled X-mas
I don’t know if I just did the right thing… but I did something bold a few minutes ago.

I emailed my dad and told him I wasn’t coming to his place for Christmas. I’m going to have to call my step-sister and figure out logistics… and I’ve called my half brother to let him know… and expect an earful from him… but I really can’t deal with my dad

Or I should say- I don’t WANT to deal with my dad anymore.

I had a bad day and I feel UTTERLY used by my dad- and I don’t think that’s a “normal” relationship.

Here’s what happened in a nutshell:

My father’s current wife is an author- she had an “event” about a 20 min. drive from Boston. My father odds are knew about this event several days in advance but called ME at about 10 am. He told me that it was COLD outside. That he was about a 20 min drive from Boston- and he’d like to drive in with the DOG- because he brought the dog to the event… and see me for lunch, while Rosemary did this event. The dog was emphasized in my father’s call because it was COLD and he wanted to keep the dog warm. He felt rather then just leave the dog in the car- he’d DRIVE the car to me, we’d leave the dog in the warm car, and then take the dog for a walk.
Oddly before I called back- I was downstairs doing laundry when he called- and then was locked out of my apartment… I called work to see if my dad had called there… He had… so I called my dad and against my better judgment I agreed.
This was about noon… he then called me at about 1 pm. Said that the lunch was a go and would call me when he got to my street. When he got to my street- I went down to meet him…
He then “suggested” that instead of going to the park- again a block away from me… or any of the good restaurants near me… that we would drive BACK to the town where his wife was doing the event… have lunch there- and then take the dog for a walk.
I, being the twit that I am, agreed…
The highlight, to me, was the fact that he had a gps that ‘gave’ him directions- and he occasionally swore at it- as the directions sometimes seemed to leave a little to be desired.
When we got to the town- he sighted a Mexican place- and I suggested we go there. I made this suggestion because a) I like Mexican and b) I wanted to have a LITTLE input.
So we ate at the Mexican place… and towards the end of the meal- he gets a call from his wife… SO we jump back into the car and he drives me back to Boston…. Because ya know- his wife needed him

And I just feel USED that the only reason my dad had lunch with me was that his wife was too busy.

And because of that- I have decided… I’m not going to go to his house for Christmas. Maybe this is because I had a crappy night’s sleep last night… and I expect a worse one tonight--- BUT I think it’s because I’ve had enough of my dad and being second fiddle to the women he’s married to.
I didn’t tell my dad this face to face- because I’m a wuss… I just emailed my dad… And I called my younger brother telling him I’d like to see him( my brother) some OTHER time while he’s on the East Coast.

Current Mood: tired and cranky
Saturday, November 1st, 2008
4:27 pm
Sunday, October 5th, 2008
9:45 pm
love me do
I was thinking yesterday and today why I get bugged by my Dad saying he “loves me unconditionally” because I’m his son. On the one hand I understand this- because I put up with my Dad BECAUSE he is my Dad. If I friend treated me like my Dad does- they wouldn’t be my friend for long…
At first I thought it was the logic hair splitting- he has said that he loves me BECAUSE I am his son. So logic would dictate that if I was NOT his son, he wouldn’t love me; therefore his love is conditional on us being related…
HOWEVER, and I figured this out myself- so I could be wrong.
I think the problem is---- I want him to LOVE ME for ME. I want to be loved, not because he messed around with my mom… but because I’m a pretty nice guy.

I care for my step brother and sister- not because I HAVE to, but because I like them. Same goes for my step father- He’s MY step father. Whereas my father’s third wife is… his third wife and NOT my Step mother.

I hope this make sense. I’m tired and I think this is an important thought to share. I’m not a parent- but most of my blog readers ARE ;-)
So let me know as both a ‘child’ of someone and a parent IF it makes sense at a certain point in time to be loved not because someone HAS TO- but because they feel you have done something to DESERVE their love.

Current Mood: tired
Wednesday, October 1st, 2008
10:41 am
And Again (?)
Ok- not sure if I’ve blogged about this- SO I apologize if I’ve covered this ground but the past repeats itself.
When my Dad showed up here a few months ago- because his wife was signing books in the area… He told me about this about a week in advance. I hadn’t seen him in a while and had kept him at a distant… But I was perfectly willing to meet them for dinner- so long as he knew that they were NOT welcome in my apartment. I got street addresses for two restaurants that I wanted to go to- figuring if they were visiting me it would be MY choice. I chose two places that I liked, I thought they would like and that I hadn’t been able to go to because of lack of funds… I didn’t choose based on expenses… though I will admit one of the places I picked was based on the fact that it was stir fry- and that we wouldn’t have a huge amount of ‘face time’ because part of the experience is picking out the food and waiting for them to grill it.
When I got a call from him that day- he told me what food SHE was interested in… and asked me to find a restaurant for her. Being me, I did what he asked- I did a little research and found two places near me that I thought SHE might like. But I found this vexing as I felt he was visiting ME and as such- I felt he should treat me to a place I would like.

I mention the above story because when I went to visit my mom for the New Year… I called my dad on Monday to wish him a Happy New Year- even though I know he doesn’t celebrate any Jewish holidays. He suggested we meet for lunch on Tuesday, and although I would’ve preferred to hang out with my nephews FAR MORE… I felt that since I hadn’t seen my dad in months that I somehow ‘owed’ him a meeting. I thought this was odd, especially as he was on the Cape and didn’t visit me( and his wife had a signing about 3 blocks from me). However since he suggested we meet for lunch- I told him my plans with my sister and that I could meet him either near the planetarium or Penn Station. He suggested that we meet near a restaurant- and we did. He however was double parked as he drove in his car… so we had to look for a parking space.
While trying to find a parking space- he told me about HIS money woes- about how much HE lost in the market… and how he couldn’t afford to pay monthly fees for a parking garage- especially as he and the wife only spent a couple of nights a week in their New York apartment. It really struck me as tone deaf that he was complaining to ME about his money problems.
So we find a parking place and my father tells me that since we found a good spot that I should take my bag with me… as we’d take the train to Penn Station as he didn’t want to lose his spot. He then tells me that he knows a good restaurant nearby and we walk to it. And when we got to the restaurant- I realized that my Dad had a) not told me what sort of restaurant we were walking towards… and b) did NOT at any point ask me what I was in the mood for. We went to the restaurant because it was close to the parking space and my Dad liked it… I didn’t seem to enter into the equation.
I will admit I liked the food… but still…
And during the meal my father continued to complain about how much HE lost in the stock market… That he felt a need to sell the New York apartment because- he lost a lot of money and didn’t think he could afford the apartment… BUT that said he said he’d keep it for the rest of the year- BECAUSE his wife had enough on her mind with her writing and promoting her book to worry her about the sale.
So- the apartment… He tried to sell it before, he didn’t because SHE didn’t want him to, it costs a good amount of money AND the value has gone down due to the markets( less people with the $ to buy it from him)…. BUT while he’s worried about money- He refuses to think about selling the apartment UNTIL she has less on her mind.

Oh- and lastly after hearing my Dad bitch about HIS MONEY WOES- he told me he talked to a social worker, who agreed with him that it was OK for him to put conditions on his giving me money. He told me he LOVED me UNCONDITIONALLY, BUT that if I wanted money from him there would be CONDITIONS.
Now I should mention at NO POINT have I asked my Dad for money since he punked out of helping me in March. So he was telling me, without any prompting from me, that he’d be willing to help me BUT with conditions. And he felt it was important for me to know that someone else had backed him up on his thinking. AS IF I CARED who he cited (like when he tells me or my mom that his current wife agrees with him SO he MUST be right).
Why do I bother with him? I mean if this guy wasn’t a blood relation- I would’ve ditched him so many years ago. It’s clear to me that he really doesn’t get me or try.
I feel I should end this by mentioning that he mentioned several times how HAPPY he was that I had a good relationship with my mom… He didn’t understand why HE didn’t have a good relationship with her but was glad I had a relationship with her. I felt that I should’ve told him- as I’ve told her that my relationship with EACH of them is separate from the other. BUT the way I really wanted to respond was either a) she’s still bitchy because he cheated on her. Yes, it was 30 odd years ago… but I think she’s still pissed that he cheated on her and left her, with two kids, for the OTHER woman or b) ask him if he was really glad that I connected with her, or was he pissed because as a kid I looked up to him and as an adult I have a better relationship with HER.

Oh and I should mention- when I talked to my mom before I came in… She asked me if I wanted anything SPECIAL for New Year’s dinner… After hearing that she was making turkey and that we’d have the challah and honey (for a sweet new year) I told her I was good. She made for us a plum tart… which she knows I like…. So Dad couldn’t be bothered to ask me where I wanted to eat… and my mom cooked me my favorite dessert. I think that sums my relationship up with them pretty well.

Current Mood: apathetic
Tuesday, September 9th, 2008
9:45 pm
Can't spell smother without Mother.,..
I know I don’t blog as much as I should- and I will prolly constantly apologize about this. The reasons are a) I’m looking for a job- which takes time. 2) Evan has me addicted to FB… I kid… but I am an FB addict and iii) I am meeting with a therapist every week or so which leads me to try and get my stuff out with HIM instead of HERE. 4) I’ve been trying to NOT comment on politics as it just depresses me more…( the fact that Obama is in a dead heat with McSame is NOT a good sign to me)

However, that said something happened today that bothered me.
To set things up- I had to cancel last week with my therapist because of ‘issues’ at the game store. I’d rather not go into that NOW- BUT… After I talked to my therapist today to schedule a meeting on Thursday, he called me back. He asked me if he could talk to my mom. It seemed she had called HIM, and wanted to talk to MY THERAPIST about me.
This vexes me. I feel it’s bad enough that she keeps me on what I consider is a short leash and tells me she ‘worries’ if she doesn’t here from me on a WEEKLY basis- and btw it seems not only a weekly basis, but that I should be calling HER and not vica versa… as when she calls, she often mentions she’s calling ME because I haven’t called HER…

But for her to step it up a notch and call my therapist….

I told my therapist that he had my permission to talk to her- because well I couldn’t see how his NOT talking to her helped me. However, it just irks me that my mom feels that she can make this end run and makes all these DEMANDS from me.
And I let her.
Again- I told my therapist that he could talk to her… because I’m tired and just couldn’t think of anything else. I figured IF I didn’t let her get her way- she’d just come after me.

So I wonder if that’s what my therapist is? A body to put between me and my mom.

Current Mood: aggravated
Friday, August 1st, 2008
8:08 pm
Politically Amused
I really haven't been blogging about politics because all in all I find it VASTLY depressing.

That said I was amused way more then I should've been by this blog

Things Younger then John McCain.

Things that stand out to me are the Chocolate Chip Cookie, The Six pack( think about it, the concept of buying 6 drinks packaged together is YOUNGER then McCain), and Pizza Delivery. I could not really imagine life with out any of that.

Current Mood: amused
8:50 am
Bad Husbands
I found this article about the WORST husbands in comics.

My first thought was a) there are no DC husbands on the list and b) Scott should be #1

I thought about the first point for a bit- because I thought that perhaps Marvel had more married people… but I realized this was false as I quickly realized the amount of A and B listers who are married in DC.
All 3 Flashes- Jay, Barry and Wally are great Husbands
The first 2 Hawkmen were married- Actually I’d say 3 with the Hawkworld reboot.
Superman and Lois have been married for a few years now
Aquaman and Mera- might be the second worst marriage of DCU, but that’s POST Artie Jr. dieing.
Ralph and Sue- a marriage for the ages.
Big Barda and Scott-see above.
Jean and Ray Palmer- the WORST DC marriage- but that’s HER fault not his.
Actually- of the above- I count 3 of my OTP- Barry and Iris, Ralph and Sue, and Big Barda and Scott. I most likely could go on, listing the Legion( first series) married couples, but I think the point is made… there are as many married people in DC as in Marvel and they seem to be better married.

Second is that Scott Summers should be #1 worst husband as they don’t mention his FIRST marriage to Maddie; which I know Evan remembers. ;-) He left his pregnant wife to be with his “One True Love”, who apparently he loves SOOO much that he’s willing to cheat on her with another psycho… I mean psychic. ;-)

Current Mood: blah
Saturday, July 19th, 2008
7:42 pm
One in a Minyan
So I walked into Kenmore Square today to get some Popeye’s( bad habit I have) and a guy asked me if I was Jewish- I said yes, and he asked me if I wanted to be in a Minyan. Now a Minyan is a group of 10 Jewish men, which is needed to perform religious ceremony. I was hungry but felt it would be a Mitzvah (a good deed) for me to help them… especially as it was the Sabbath. I let the man know that I had NOT had a Bar Mitzvah, nor could I read Hebrew( as I have problems learning languages) BUT I would be willing to ‘put the time in’ and if they were willing to accept me; knowing this, then I was theirs. They wanted to confirm that I was Jewish, which I am and I was brought to the place of worship.
I was then introduced to the rest of the congregation. Or at least I should say the 9 other men, including the Rabbi, as the women and kids were separated by a divider. The guy who ‘recruited’ me told them that I had NOT had a Bar Mitzvah, and didn’t know Hebrew. The Rabbi pointed out that THIS would be my Bar Mitzvah… and I tried to follow along. I was given a book which had Hebrew and English, and read the English.
I thought it was slightly amusing when I tried to look at another member’s prayer book to check my page, and he had a combination Russian/Hebrew book as he was a Russian Jew. Now my ANCESTERY is Russian Jews- but I am a 3rd generation American.
But I digress, so I tried to follow along with the prayers. And when it was MY turn at the Torah- I just repeated the Hebrew that the Rabbi told me to repeat. Then since it was MY Bar Mitzvah- we danced around the Torah and they threw candy at me.
After the Sabbath prayer- the other Jewish males told me about their Bar Mitzvahs- and how they had been Bar Mitzvahed in a PROPER synagogue- where the women sat in the balcony- and thus when THEY had candy thrown at them- people really flung it.
I wanted to leave but they got me to stay for Kiddush, a drink of wine and challah and chatted abit before leaving for my Popeye’s.

I amused during much of the ceremony that I kept thinking about calling my mom and my older brother’s wife (I have 3 sister in laws… or will next month) and telling them the news. My older brother’s wife is Jewish and has said she plans for all 3 of her daughters to have Bat Mitvahs… so I’d thought she’d appreciate my story. She asked me if there were any cute Jewish women there. And had to tell her, I didn’t really notice. See during the ceremony I didn’t see them as they were on the other side of screen and when we sat down for the Kiddush, I was sitting with the men and talking to them and the women sat in a separate section. I think that was one of the reasons I decided to leave- because there were all these RULES that I wasn’t sure of… I had a bit in common with these people but… I wasn’t sure how much.
The other reason I left is because it was a beautiful day outside and I wanted to take a walk- and get Popeye’s.
So I had my Bar Mitzvah today and I ‘am a man’.
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